My Story

The most significant night of my life began with a simple gift. I was a journalist at a city magazine and my editor knew Brett Farve was my favorite NFL player. I had just turned thirty and as a gift he gave me a sideline media pass for the Jacksonville Jaguars Monday Night Football game. It gave me access to the locker rooms, the media center and the sidelines. The helmet-to-helmet impacts were louder then the TV lets you know and the hits and shouts from the players were much more violent then you can pick up on TV. I had been a freelance writer covering the NFL in the past, but never went onto the field. Mid-way through the fourth quarter I decided to leave. Partly because I wanted to beat traffic and partly to go home to the new house my girlfriend and I had just moved into the weekend before.

I remember hearing the cheering from the stands as I walked up to my car. I remember clearly shoving my notebook in my back pocket and tossing the camera on the passenger seat. Then it gets cloudy. I stopped for gas. I wasn't familiar with getting to my new house from where I was. Near an outlet ramp from a highway a street sweeper struck me broadside. Big truck. Big crunch.

The impact alone gave me head trauma which put me in a coma for two-and-a-half months. The coma was the easy part. Waking up and finding parts of you that work slower or don't work at all was the tough part. No. I have a tendency to sugarcoat things. The tough part was the physical and emotional pain of everything associated with a Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI). It distorted reality, took away people I loved and ruined any self-confidence I once had. But through the hard work of doctors, therapists and psychologists I am 95 percent better. For my own continued self-rehabilitation I write down my personal perspective. For you, I hope it gives you peace and faith that things will get better. Some suffers will get better than I did and some not as much. Most of all I hope this gives you somewhat of a gauge to guide you beyond all the medical terminology the doctors will sling at you. I will not put a negative or hopelessly positive slant on this. I choose reality. My own personal experiences with something I had only heard once in a fleeting moment watching a hockey game.

Vladimir Konstantinov played with the Detroit Red Wings in the National Hockey League. In his own car accident he suffered a TBI. I distinctly remember him being pushed onto the ice during a game in a wheelchair. His perpetual smile somewhat slanted now and his head shaking back and forth like a 'Bobble Head' doll. It didnt tug at my heart strings. I felt empathy for the guy sure. But I was probably more concerned with meeting a deadline. Like many of us do, I shrugged it off. "Hope that never happens to me." But it did

Two-and-a-half months in that coma. People ask me what I remember. I remember convoluted dreams. Dreams that didn't make sense. My Mom and girlfriend read me the sports page at my bedside. They heard that it would be good for my mind. To this day I can remember stats from games played when I was in that coma. I didn't see a white light and I didn't hear dead relatives talking to me. So sorry. Nothing that freaky. I was moved from a local hospital to a nursing home when I was in the coma.

Super Bowl Sunday was when I woke up. At first I thought I was still on the sidelines. My then-girlfriend had the game on and was sitting next to me watching it as I woke up. Seeing my eyes open she ran out of the room for a nurse. Whats her deal? Then in came the rolling circus of medical personnel. Checking tubes, monitors and asking me the infamous question that would haunt me for the next two years. Do I know where I am? At first the answer was a confident no. Sugarlips, I know who I am. Who my girlfriend is but I have zero clue who you are and why there is a tube in my penis. But, i'm kinda thirsty. Just flip that can of ginger ale into my my neck trache and we'll go over details later. But now i'm getting extremely tired...

I slept. Not the two-and-a-half month nap I had just taken. But a shorter one. I awoke and the room was a little more cleared out. I started to focus my eyes. Lack of any movement in bed had given me bed sores and what are these? Man boobs. I had put on a little weight! What exactly were they putting in that feeding tube attached to my stomach? But everything was getting clearer. I didn't have the vocal strength back yet. So I whispered "I love you" to my then-girlfriend. She looked hopelessly lost and tired. Not the vibrant girl with boundless energy I knew in college. We went over basics. I found out about my car wreck. My head trauma. The tricky diagnosis of what my life would look like now. Ironically her father was a neurosurgeon. Lucky me, I had the inside scoop.

Throughout the next several weeks I would hear snippets of what was wrong with my proverbial cantaloupe. Terms like "coup contra coup" and "stent" were thrown about and I struggled to keep focus enough to understand and look for clues as to my diagnosis. I knew enough that family members and nurses were overly-positive. Thats great. But I wanted the truth. They may not have wanted me to know the truth. The worst case scenario popped into my head. Assisted living with lifetime care. Not bad if you have Jenniffer Garner as your nurse. Not so nice when your thirty and a perfectionist. Reading up on stats for TBI sufferers taught me there were mixed results. Some went back to work and life with minimal struggles. Some never went back to work and the home life was anything but sunshine and tulips. So I began to over-worry and look for a way to fix everything. Thats how I am.

The following years of my life is encapsulated for you into easy to read sections. I choose to leave out names and some personal stories that are too private for myself and others. Also anything that smells legal. Those things shouldn't concern you and have no bearing on what really matters. You making the most of your recovery. I am not the type to put sticky notes with ultra-positive sayings on my wall. I don't have a Precious Moments collection but I am in touch with my emotions. I can muster one positive quote that has been with me a few years. It was in the movie King Arthur: "Rule Your Destiny". Overly dramatic? Maybe. Touchy-feely? Sure. But your life will be dramatic now. Embrace it. Get ticked off. Be sad. Question authority. Experience everything you can. Laugh. Love someone until your chest hurts. There. Go have a group hug and lets get down to business.